课堂座位的艺术

It’s 15 minutes before class starts. You have your homemade bag on you, your Tom’s shoes are properly clean, organic jeans rolled up at the bottom, your old school Blackberry is on silent. As you make your way down the hall, you pass students that are rushing for a quick snack, students heading for the bathroom – they just have to check their hair, how insecure.Some students are vigorously scratching in their homework last-minute with notebooks scattered on the floor, their bodies hunched over sitting Indian-style on the ground. Unlike them, you know the importance of getting ahead, getting to class early, you’ve got style. You ignore the distractions and you open the door. The class is empty, the lights are off and the sun is shining through the windows, reflecting off the bare desks. It’s almost eerie, just the way you like it. This is what it’s about, you now have free reign over every seat in the house, it’s up to you where you sit and if you’re smart, you’ll know that where you sit is everything. 课堂开始前15分钟，陪伴你左右的书包拿在手上，干净的小布鞋，卷着裤脚的牛仔裤，有点过时的黑莓手机调制静音。穿过常常的走廊，疯狂奔跑去买课间食的同学从身边呼啸而去，还有去洗手间的同学擦肩而过——他们只不过是去照照镜子检查下自己的发型，真是没有安全感。有些学生会在把作业留在最后一分钟，地上铺满各种教科书，像打了鸡血一样大写特写，他们蜷着身子在地上堆成一团，完全是印度风格的坐姿。和他们不同，你知道打好提前量的重要性，早早来到教室，有型有范儿。你无视那些分神分心的凡尘，打开一扇门。教室空空如也，灯虽然没开但阳光透过窗子撒泻下来，折射在那些空荡荡的课桌上。你深深的喜欢上这景象，如此怪诞。这就是你想要的，现在你拥有这座房子里的每个座位，你可以挑选其中任何一个。而且如果你是个聪明人，你知道座位的位置意味着一切。 Let’s get into the basic anatomy of a classroom as well as the pros and cons of each seating approach. 那就让我们来给教室一个基础的解剖来看看每个座位的优点与缺点。 The Front Row 前排 At the front of the class is the professor, they bring the pressure, making the front row a little scary for those who are more timid. I had a professor that enjoyed spraying students with Formula 409 cleaner, another that had a reflex, sometimes resulting in uncontrollable spitting. He was an old professor, with a wild white beard that ran down towards the center of his chest, wore striped polo shirts, blue jean shorts and long red socks. If anything he looked like a very old version of Waldo. Upon entering his class he’d warn the folks sitting in the front row, with his two crazy eyes that darted off in opposite directions, that they were officially in, the “splash zone.” Your professors might not be so eccentric but that’s what you can expect in the front, if you take it up to 11. 教授通常在教室的前方讲课，他们带来的是压力。这也就使教室的前排对于胆子不大的同学略显恐怖。我曾经有位教授特别喜欢用清洁喷学生，另外一位有个习惯，导致的结果就是口水满天飞。他是位老教授，蓬乱的白胡子一路延伸到他胸口的中间，穿着条纹保罗衫，蓝色的牛仔短裤还有长长袜腰的红袜子。他看起来就是活脱脱的沃尔多（一套知名儿童图书系列中主要人物）老年版。只要你走进他的课堂，他的两只疯狂的眼睛先是会向着不同的方向扫过，然后他就会警告坐在前排的伙计们他们已经正式加入了“飞溅区”。你的教授可能不会这么古怪。但是如果你坐在前排，你还是要做好心理准备，特别是如果你要上课上到11点。 The Back Row 后排 It’s the complete opposite in the back, where the distance between you and the instructor is at its maximum potential which can benefit or hurt you in many ways. Being in the back means you can get away with doodling, texting, browsing Reddit on your laptop. But it’s a double-edged sword. All of those distractions means you’re not paying attention and it can easily lead to you falling behind in class. Sit in the back only if you can control your Facebook urges and if you’re already a strong student. Also, it’s pretty fun eating in the back row so nobody can stare at you. I feel awkward when people I don’t know look at me while I’m eating. Aren’t some cats like that? 在后排的情况截然相反，你和教师之间拉开了最大可能的距离，这可能是你收益也可能害你不浅。坐在后排意味着你可以开小差涂鸦、发短信、甚至在笔记本上浏览Reddit网页。但这是柄双刃剑。所有这些分神都意味着你没有认真听讲，而这将很轻易的导致你将在这门课程上名落孙山。如果你确定你能控制住自己查看Facebook的冲动或者你已经是这门课强悍的实力干将，只有这种情况下才能坐在后排。当然，坐在后排大吃特吃也蛮有意思的，因为没人会盯着你看，至少我是觉得吃东西的时候被陌生人盯着看很尴尬，猫咪不都如此吗？ Side Seats and Everything in Between 边座和中间排 The middle is the battleground. Everybody wants to be towards the middle-back because it provides just enough distance from the professor without being too far that you lose focus. Now there are a lot of seats but it’s really about choosing the right angle in which you’re facing the board, and making sure you want a side seat or not.Side seats are the seats that are closest to the side walls, sometimes they’re lined up directly next to the wall and you’ll have to turn the desk to face the professor at the front. Side walls can be annoying because the angle is just awkward and it can be difficult to view slideshows or movies, but that depends on how close to the front you are. The worst seat in any classroom is the very front row, on the far left or far right side. It looks weird, you look weird, everybody can see you and it’s weird. It just sucks. 中间就是个战场。每个人都想坐在中后排，因为这样既和教授有了足够远的距离又不至于太远而溜号。现在虽然有很多空座但重要的是选择一个合适的角度面对黑板，并思量好你到底想要一个边座与否。边座就是靠边墙的那些座位。有时是紧贴墙壁的一排，如果你坐在前排边座上就不得不转个方向去看前方的教授。边墙有时候挺讨厌的，角度让人觉得很奇怪，并且可能很难看到幻灯演示或是课堂电影，当然这取决与你做的有多么前面。任何一个教室中最糟糕的位置莫过于最前排最左边或者最右边的位置。看上去就很奇怪，坐在那里的视野也奇怪，每个人都能看到你更奇怪。反正就是糟糕透了。 For the most part, middle seats are first come first serve. It’s like good seats in a movie theater, be there just a little early so you can have that space. And never, ever, steal another person’s seat midway through the semester. Not cool, man, not cool. 大多数时候，中间座位都是先到先得的。这就好比电影院里的好座位，早点去你才能得到想要的位置。并且千万不要学期过半时抢或者说是偷别人的座位。不好，这样很不好。 Social Seating 交友座位 Perhaps distancing yourself from the professor isn’t your top priority, maybe you just want to sit next to that really quiet, pretty girl with green eyes that draws cupcake monsters in her notebook all lecture. It’s cool, I don’t judge. Where you sit in class and who you sit next to, can lead to some pretty interesting outcomes. You can make new friends, maybe even score a date. If anything, this approach to sitting in class might just be the best overall. Think about it, if you make new friends then you’ve instantly acquired a study group for that class, and that always helps. 或许与教授拉开距离并不是你的当务之急,或许你只是想坐在一个漂亮的绿眸美眉旁边，看她整节课都安静的在她的笔记本上画着纸杯蛋糕小怪兽。这很好，我不会乱说。坐在哪里、坐在谁旁边能够引起有意思的结果。你可以交上新朋友，甚至可能得到个约会。这种选座方式可能是最棒的。仔细想想，你交了新朋友，你也就马上得到了这门课的一个学习小组，这当然总会有所帮助。 If by any chance, your preferred seat is taken, try and get close as possible to your buddies or that hottie again. The best way to keep a seat through the semester is to consistently sit there. That sends a message to everybody. You’re basically saying, “Hey! This is my seat!” It’s pretty simple really. As stated above, once you’ve been in a seat long enough, it’s officially unofficially yours for the semester. Everybody else just has to… 如果你心仪的座位不慎被别人抢先，试试尽可能在你伙伴、或者还是那个辣妹旁边的座位。在一个学期中留座位做好的办法就是每次都坐那个座位。这就给每个人传达了一种讯息，基本上你就是在说“喂！这是我的座位！”这真是再简单不过了。正如上文所述，一旦你在一个座位上坐的足够久，这个座位或多或少在这学期也就成了你的。其他人只能…… You never thought sitting in class could be so complicated could you? It can, it is. 你从没想过一个坐座位会这么复杂吧？不过事实就是这么复杂。